FYI: Dating Can Be Terrible When You’re A Lesbian, Too








by Kasandra Brabaw
February 15, 2018

A few months ago, a man wrote a letter to his “curvy” wife that essentially put himself on a pedestal for daring to love her larger-than-average body. It sparked a heated conversation between me and my coworkers (all of us were on the side that this man and his letter were pretty clueless, btw). But in talking about how awful heterosexual gender dynamics can be, the conversation took a tired turn I’ve heard too many times.
I hear it from straight women at work, in my family, in my friend groups, and on TV. “God, I hate men,” they joke. “I wish I could be a lesbian.”

Usually I just chuckle and nod a little in moments like these because, yeah, sometimes men are downright terrible. But inside my head, my chuckle is more like a sarcastic “Ha!”

Let me, your friendly neighborhood lesbian, tell you a secret: Dating women isn’t exactly a walk in the park, either (I mean, except for those dates when I was literally walking in a park).

Just like men, women have their downfalls. Some women ghost other women. Some are pushy about sex. Some are manipulative. Some are misogynistic. Whatever terrible behavior you’re ready to write off men for exhibiting, it’s almost a guarantee that there’s a woman out there who’s done it, too.|

I know because I’ve dated a few of them. There was Chloe*, who I thought I’d really connected with over Tinder and text messages — until we were supposed to meet for our first date and she never showed up. There was Ana*, who strung me along for three months and disappeared as soon as I admitted I had feelings for her. And then there was Beth*, an ex-friend-with-benefits who was sneakily fat-shaming me throughout the five months we were together. Plus plenty of terrible first dates with women who stared at their phones instead of, you know, actually talking to me.

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